Care Instructions for Your Blossoming Homo Sapiens
by Cassandra Adler
Sunlight Exposure
Most homo sapiens* prefer either long periods of indirect or short periods of direct sunlight. It is imperative that you expose your homo sapiens to at least an hour of sunlight each day, as a lack of it can cause them to droop, both physically and emotionally. Homo sapiens can be tricked into feeling as if they have had more sunlight through the use of artificial lighting apparatuses, but we caution that this strategy will lose effectiveness very quickly, especially if the homo sapien is exposed to extended hours of this artificial light.
Watering
Homo sapiens need more water than you might think! While they are a tenacious breed, and can last a while without watering, keep in mind that they should be getting around eight cups a day. They might need more if you plant them in a dry or arid area, but don’t be afraid to experiment with different environments! Historically, this breed has spread through the most unforgiving of areas. (NOTE: be careful not to introduce it into a location where it might become an invasive species**)
Preferred Air Quality
Unfortunately, unlike some other species, the homo sapiens do not have the capability to filter air for themselves. In fact, in some cases, they actively make it worse. It’s important to remember that your homo sapien expells greenhouse gasses from most of its orifices***, so surround it with organisms that can compensate for this.
Temperature
As mentioned in the WATERING section of this handout, homo sapiens can survive in a wide range of temperatures, though the preferred range hovers around 23C/70F.
Feeding
Homo sapiens are omnivorous, so feel free to play around with what you feed it! If a certain type of feed makes it wilt, provide it with more water and see if it can survive the experience. If it does, now you know not to feed it that! If not, please remember that the company does not provide refunds for users who take inadequate care of their organism, and to get another you will have to pay the full fee. If you have other organisms growing in a nearby area and have not taken the time to feed the homo sapiens for a while**** the homo sapiens might attempt to feed itself with those organisms. If given enough time without you feeding it directly, the homo sapien might begin to cultivate that organism to feed itself. This is a much more symbiotic relationship than established in the above PREFERRED AIR QUALITY section, and we encourage new owners to try it!
Growing Apparatus
The homo sapien can survive in a multitude of different growing containers, from a basic development unit of just a few times the size of the organism to a growing container of several thousand square meters. Each homo sapien is different and might flourish better in a different size apparatus. We encourage owners to introduce the homo sapien to different options and see which one it grows best in. Please take into account that many transplants could cause some wilting in your homo sapien, as they are a species that tend to prefer a stable growth space. (NOTE: if you plan to buy more than one homo sapien please take into account the necessity for bigger or even multiple growing apparatuses. If you plan to invest in an entire batch*****, consider visiting the link on our home page labeled PLANETS.)
We hope you enjoy watching your homo sapien grow! ******
* More commonly known as “humans”
** For examples as to why this may cause problems, see: project E.A.R.T.H.
*** To understand why this happens, research keywords such as “breathing” and “flatulence.”
**** A period extending past six or so hours
***** Batches can be bought at various tiers, beginning at 7,000,000,000 units. Prices may vary by provider.
****** The company accepts no liability for any consequences cultivating homo sapiens might bring. To get a full list of potential side effects, see: HUMAN HISTORY.