theology one oh one
by GABRIELA DE MENDONCA GOMES
the thing about catholic school is that they teach you that god is supposed to be a reliable comforting presence that you’re supposed to feel a constant hug or something yeah no and it was way more like when your grandma gives you a sweater so you put it on because you’re a nice kid but it’s prickly and it itches so now you’re starting to regret it but you can't take off once you’ve left the house because you didn’t think to put on an undershirt and if you go back you’ll miss the bus and then be late to school but anyway now you’ve worn this sweater and because you’re not late and didn’t miss your bus you’re left to suffer inside it plus it’s a turtleneck so the whole entire day it feels like someone weak is choking you and your stomach grumbles but they make you kneel in the dog-poop-brown pews tucked between primary-colored stained glass and they say place your palms together and tell god all your sins we know you have them don’t lie that’s a sin it doesn’t matter that you’re only seven years-old and so you pray and tell him about how you secretly hate turtlenecks and being here and now that you come to think of it him actually because when you open your eyes you’re alone and you’re not seven you’re twenty-nine and in a strange dusty church clutching at your nonexistent turtleneck like a perverse hug