US Air Force
Do you have a future in the military? | 1/25/2021
BY MORGAN McCARTHY
Long to do what every true American wants?
Seeking a free* way to go to college?
Here, the US Air Force stands in stark contrast to our former President in offering you a position in our first group of Transgender Drone Pilots! In our effort to fight for diversity and inclusion domestically, we need people like you!
We stand for the melting pot of America, and we are ready to melt some more into the mold of an exceptional soldier. Fulfill the goals of every true American by defending our country from horrifying preeteen combatants, all from the safety of our headquarters! Practice your God-given rights to remotely drop explosions for the financial benefit of your nation!
By joining you can prove the worth of trans people** everywhere*** and demonstrate you aren’t one of those degenerate queer communists! Meet a new found family in the Air Force, and work alongside Border Control to keep families together. We’ll always be there to defend you as long as that protects our own reputation.
We know that you, like generations of activists before you, want to help turn the gears of America. This is your best opportunity to make a change, considering not everyone can be an oil tycoon, or an effectively ineffective neoliberal politician. Imagine going down in our history books as the first they/them war profiteer!
Don’t worry if it seems daunting, you will be given a head start thanks to our rigorous training program, generously funded technology, and omnipresent nationalist propaganda. Plus, you’ve already started by being forcibly registered for the Selective Service Act****, so why not further your patriotic duty!
If you still are on the fence, ask yourself whether you want years of college debt. The US Military’s college programs are here to provide this choice to desperate underprivileged populations. Imagine graduating college at no cost*, all thanks to us! Also, get free access to transition healthcare in the world’s best healthcare system, since we doubt you could afford it otherwise!
Apply today to spread freedom*****, equality***** and democracy***** worldwide!
*costs do not count the combatants you may directly or indirectly incapacitate nor the potential trauma incurred.
**the rich white ones that don’t complain very much and look normal enough.
***everywhere marks the US because that’s the only place that really matters.
****it isn’t transphobic to sign you up here due to your assigned sex because
*****terms and conditions may apply.
about the artist
Morgan McCarthy 22' (they/them) is a creative writing major/aspiring educator/messy queer. On campus they’ve worked with The Spectator and The Monitor, volunteered with the DMC and Let's Get Ready, and authored those horrible People Who Like To Do Fun Things emails. This work was inspired by bipartisan imperialist violence, the defanging of queer activism, and their spam folder.